Oxy-Morons

Oxy-Morons

Once upon a time, about a hundred years ago I was a member of a pretty good local rock-n-roll band named Bulletproof (the woman and many others may argue this point, especially if they ever heard our version of "Victim of Love". Twice.). Well, we got our big chance and were invited to a studio to record a demo. The rest of the band, with some major prompting from the cat that was supplying the studio time, had in my absence decided on the main tune to be recorded. These morons came up with the brilliant idea of playing a heavy metal version of "The Ballad of Jed Clampett". I'll not reveal the studio cat's name and his studio here, but buy me a beer and I'll be more than glad to tell you who he is, he and his studio are still on Music Row in Nash-Vegas.....

Anyway, just imagine my reaction. Actually I'll tell you my reaction. My reaction was to back my hatch-back up to our rehearsal room door and promptly get all my shit. "Hey, hand me that guitar stand, would you? Dude, unplug that. Grab a-hold of this four-twelve bottom. Ooof!" I would've gladly paid money to see my facial expression when that news was unleashed upon me.....

I didn't go anywhere near a band environment for nearly ten years, and I personally like the environment of a band, a bunch of folks working toward a goal, if you will. Hell, I didn't even really play a guitar for five or six years. But, eventually somebody I'd work with mentioned to somebody else that I knew three guitar chords and sung a bit and a conversation would ensue and maybe a jam would happen. Then bang, I'm in another band.

Sadly enough, at least for me, the last two bands I have seen fit to play with for almost a year a-piece have suddenly turned into Christian praise bands. I mean, literally overnight, it seemed. The last band, Uncle Nealy and the Barn Owls (HA!) was a major fun band, with cats that could play hard and sing all their damn parts. But, I'd show up at practice and instead of practice, the band would be standing around wringing their hands and we'd have a sort of band meeting, with them wanting to know if I'd like to pursue this Christian praise music thing with them. The answer is hell no!

I say all of that to just give y'all a laugh, pretty much at my own expense, and not really to put down any praise music bands at all. Everybody needs to play and sing whatever blows their own britches leg up. But man, what have I got scrawled on my forehead that keeps making this kind of thing happen?

I do know that the next time around (if ever) for a band situation, I'll take a page from the likes of Tom Petty or Jeff Beck or Prince and just be the main headknocker.....